When to Tell Your Date You’re a Feminist

When do you tell your date you’re a feminist?

This question popped up in my Facebook feed, as part of a feminist group. It was assumed in the ensuing discussion that the date was a man whom the original poster didn’t know well or at all. (You would think that women who date women wouldn’t really have this problem, but I can assure you that once, in college, I went on a date with a lesbian who spent an hour telling me that she hated feminists, unfeminine women, and non-Western cultures. She was one of the most horrible people I have ever met. I had made polenta. The date was so bad I thought she might be a performance artist. Anyway.)

I’m only posting my own remarks, since I don’t have permission to use everyone else’s. Responses ranged from first or second date to “I don’t think you need to say it explicitly — I’m sure it’ll come up naturally considering how much time you spend on feminist causes.”

I beg to differ.

There’s a movement among some atheists not to call themselves anything. Why should you need a name for not believing something? Let other people be the “other.”

Similarly, if you are not a feminist you have missed an important boat. We have names for that. We don’t need to declare ourselves; you do.

Yes, this might cut down on the pool of available dates. Which is great! You want to cut it all the way down to a select one, or small group, of non-assholes, right?

Related: How I Gamed OKCupid (and Avoided Dating Homophobes!)



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