When do you tell your date you’re a feminist?
This question popped up in my Facebook feed, as part of a feminist group. It was assumed in the ensuing discussion that the date was a man whom the original poster didn’t know well or at all. (You would think that women who date women wouldn’t really have this problem, but I can assure you that once, in college, I went on a date with a lesbian who spent an hour telling me that she hated feminists, unfeminine women, and non-Western cultures. She was one of the most horrible people I have ever met. I had made polenta. The date was so bad I thought she might be a performance artist. Anyway.)
I’m only posting my own remarks, since I don’t have permission to use everyone else’s. Responses ranged from first or second date to “I don’t think you need to say it explicitly — I’m sure it’ll come up naturally considering how much time you spend on feminist causes.”
I beg to differ.
There’s a movement among some atheists not to call themselves anything. Why should you need a name for not believing something? Let other people be the “other.”
Similarly, if you are not a feminist you have missed an important boat. We have names for that. We don’t need to declare ourselves; you do.
Yes, this might cut down on the pool of available dates. Which is great! You want to cut it all the way down to a select one, or small group, of non-assholes, right?
Related: How I Gamed OKCupid (and Avoided Dating Homophobes!)
Empowered women empower women and also meet in the dead of night to sharpen the wooden stakes they will stab into the heart of the patriarchy
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